


How To Rule An Island In Four Easy Steps

by Kikithehousemoose



Category: Descendants (Disney Movies), The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: AU where ed & lyd didnt get destroyed but were arrested by kravitz, Bribery, Crossover, Gen, Isle of the Lost (Disney), Kidnapping, Oneshot, dont forget that the twins are evil, i almost didnt write any dialogue in this again and i would have buried myself in the ground, young!evie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-30
Updated: 2018-08-30
Packaged: 2019-07-04 16:04:01
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,480
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15844689
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kikithehousemoose/pseuds/Kikithehousemoose
Summary: Edward and Lydia didn't get the pleasure of being destroyed; instead, they were arrested by Kravitz and left to the whim of The Raven Queen. However, the Queen must have been in some sort of mood, because their punishment is a little... unusual. An eternity on the Isle of the Lost.





	How To Rule An Island In Four Easy Steps

**Author's Note:**

> Inspiration credit to @starrydreams for finally getting me into Descendants and @TFLatte for directing people my way with the promises of Vogue Elf fic that forced me to write more twin content. If you like the twins and want to see more stellar characterization, go check out her new Lydcretia arranged marriage AU.

Anyone would say that the Isle of the Lost was a bleak, miserable place. Everything was made of garbage, from the streets under their feet to the jewels on their fingers. There was a constant murky chill, bringing in a brackish smog to invade any corner not populated by the discarded technology they had no choice but to not use.  It was just as it was meant to be; a land of suffering for those who wanted people to suffer the most.

Despite the misery they lived in, hardly any kind of compassion or companionship rose from their plight. Instead, the scarcity of good things only raised the stakes, turning the wasteland into a war zone. It was the bitch of living: nothing was permanently yours, but everything needed to be. Only the most ruthless, most powerful among them could have any semblance of a comfortable life, and even then it was under constant threat of being stolen back out from under them.

 _This_ was the place The Raven Queen had exiled them to for their punishment. This place on an entirely different planar system, far out of her domain. A place that didn’t even _have_ liches. She had called it merciful, or something along those lines. They were more caught up on how unprecedented this was. It was… kind of rad?

 

No one knew suffering better than Edward and Lydia. They had spent centuries studying it, experimenting with it, mastering it. They had _become_ suffering in its purest form. The Isle was a _dump,_ sure, but for them it was little more than a _playground._ If it weren’t for how gross it was, they might even wonder if The Raven Queen had given them a _gift._

 

The first joy they found was in the fashion.

“I don’t know about you Ed, but I’m noticing a _pattern_ here.” They were leaning over a balcony of the home of someone who had so graciously vacated it for them after being persuaded by very sharp swords (that they had also persuaded off of someone). Looking down to the streets below, Lydia was almost starting to feel excited. This could be a whole new adventure for them.

Her brother puckers his lips, humming in thought as he scans the crowd milling about. Every so often people would glance up at them, but they could recognize power when they saw it, quickly learning to keep their head low. “I’m seeing an awful lot of spikes, Lyd… And so much _leather_.”

“Leather and spikes” Lydia taps a dark pink-polished fingernail on the stone under her hand “It’s not usually our style, but I suppose it will have to do. We could do a lot with it.”

“What about that scarf shop?” Edward points to a clothesline in the middle of the market. Sure enough, there were many colors of scarves swaying in the slight breeze, ranging from blues to oranges to some shades Lydia hadn’t even seen before. Even from the distance, they could also make out all kinds of fun patterns printed on them.

Lydia coos. “ _That’s_ what I like to see! If they have softer stuff like that then we’ll be back on track in no time. What do you say we go take their whole stock?”

Edward matches her grin, already moving. “I’m right there with you.”

  


The second thing they fell in love with was the architecture.

It wasn’t particularly flashy or magnificent, given that everything was garbage, but they quickly learned the value of area. Size _did_ matter on this island, given that there was limited space, so the people with the biggest amount of land were the most powerful. Some things, it seemed, did not change across planes.

Not ones to start off small, they immediately went from threatening people out of their homes to offering to trade land for children.

 

“If you didn’t want your baby to get stolen, you shouldn’t have left it in an open wagon!” Lydia chides the distressed mother, tightly holding the screaming infant in her arms. Edward stands in between the two women, flourishing the sword he’d stolen earlier as if he had always been using one.

“What do you want from me?” the mother demands, her voice trembling. She looked worn-down enough to be a lackey, or even the descendant of a lackey. She was no one of note, so she probably didn’t have much, but she was just a stepping stone.

“Who else has a baby around here?” Lydia asks. “Who has the biggest house with the richest baby?”

The woman hesitates, afraid it was a trick question. “M..Maleficent, of course. Or-or The Evil Queen! They both have grand domains, and young daughters!” Her eyes flick between Edward and her baby, not sure if they had what they wanted.

“Hmmm…” The twins look at each other before shrugging. Lydia throws the baby back, which makes both the baby and the mother scream in terror, even though of course the infant ends up safe in their mother’s arms.

“Guess we’ll have to go find out who that is!” Lydia smiles, crossing her legs to turn away in one movement. She struts off as Edward sheaths his sword, waving goodbye to both the mother and baby. “Ta-ta~!”

 

The third thing they fell in love with was Evie.

“ _Lydia,_ she has a _sewing machine.”_ Edward almost forgets to keep quiet, too in awe at the perfect aesthetic of this little girl’s room. It had taken them two weeks to figure out how to even get up here, and another two days to break in. Kidnapping a little girl and holding her ransom for land and material wealth might be a little old by that point, but it did tend to be effective. At least, it _would_ be if they could stay on track.

“I use that to sew” the young Evie says, standing on her tiptoes to glare up at them, her hands on her hips. “I bet I can sew clothes better than yours.”

Lydia grins predatorily, kneeling down to be on level with her. “ _Really?_ Well why don’t we test you out on that, you adorable little thing? We have a sewing machine back at our castle, too.” Lying through her teeth had never been easier.

Evie’s eyes narrow distrustfully. “I’m not allowed to go out. You aren’t supposed to be in here.”

“Oh, but we are!” Edward insists, coming over to join his sister. “We’re your new…. Fashion tutors. We were hired by your mother to help you with your… fashion education.”

Lydia nods. “Mmhmm. And in order to do _that,_ we’ve been given _special_ permission to get you out of this castle so that you can come learn at ours. Doesn’t that sound fun?”

The eight year old hesitates, biting her lip. One of her feet fidgets in thought, making her drop back down to the flats of her feet. Going out again _would_ be fun, and she’d already had a lot of quirky teachers, and these two seemed to be good at fashion…

“Okay” she smiles. The twins smile back at her and take one hand each, knowing that they had scored their biggest playing chip.

 

The fourth thing they fell in love with was something they had never fallen _out_ of love with: shiny, expensive things.

“We don’t give things out to just anyone” Edward smiles, reclining on a throne he had deemed ‘his’, picking at the loose fabric of the scarf wrapped around his shirtless body. His dark tan skin closely resembled the gold that decorated the room around him, shoved into as many crevices as they could afford to shove it into, purely for decoration. “We only consider trade with the baddest villains on the island. Tell us, what sort of _evil_ have you done recently?”

  
It wasn’t quite like the Wonderland they had created back in their home plane. In that place, everything had been ran and generated by them, fueled only by their energy and ideas for centuries. In _this_ place, their brand new Wonderland, they hardly had to do anything. All they had to do was retain all the material wealth they had already bribed, intimidated, and stolen from people. Anyone else who wanted it would do the rest.

 

Step 1: Gain wealth and power   
Step 2: Make yourself hard or impossible to steal from   
Step 3: Offer to give away certain possessions to anyone who can make the most people on the island suffer, with the knowledge that no one would be able to make as many people suffer as you.   
Step 4: Profit

 

And profit they _did._ There were always some close calls, or times when they had to rally their forces to reclaim something they had lost or gain something new that they wanted. But all in all? They were easily the baddest villains on the Isle.

 

Maleficent _whom?_

 

**Author's Note:**

> I've only seen the first movie so far I haven't even read the books, don't @ me. Like comment and subscribe for more of this kind of bullshit.


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